Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Five Year Journey

In January I marked my five year anniversary of my exit from the religion of my first 48 years.

Don't get me wrong. I was 100% Jehovah's Witness. I lived it. I loved every day of it. But over the course of more than 4 decades it is impossible not to know that there were problems with both the theology and the premise. Over the course of this bloglife, I will likely touch on many areas of my life that were/are affected by it's doctrines. 

When I left in 2004, I was bitter. It was far too early to write this account. When the body of elders here, after I had been gone from the religion bodily for almost three full years, elected to contact me, charge me with 'apostacy' and forced me to either face disfellowshipping [excommunication in Jw terms] or to legally resign from the religion I was bitter again. It would not likely have been a good time to write this account. In the course of this blog, I will possibly display some of that bitterness from time to time. Like gall that rises in the throat, it is quite impossible not to react at times to these painful memories. But these days, I am far less reactionary in my approach to the subject.

Why write it at all? The answer to that question is complex. But those who are reading, who have in-cult experience likely understand far better than those who don't have such experience. Forgetting one's experience in the bonds of a cult is similar to ever forgetting the high-school you attended, the early memories of childhood, or your past painful experience in a marriage that went stale in time. Much of what we are or what we become is forever dependent on what we were, how we lived, and the related decisions that we made in arriving here.

But I will not exclusively create this journal for the purpose of attack. That is not the purpose. I will speak the absolute truth in what I say, based both on my own experiences and on the facts as shown by history. I will attempt to be somewhat chronological in my approach here, but not exclusively. History after all, is a culmination of times, events, and their intertwined nature. So I may skip about in the timeline, but will try to resist losing the reader with wild meanderings of my mind and thoughts. 

I will refer throughout this blog to "Jw's" or to "the Organization", and those terms are interchangable with Jehovah's Witnesses as a people, and the Watchtower as the controlling corporation over them. The terms are forever connected. If you were 'One of Jehovah's Witnesses' or are one, you were also, or are, totally dependent on the Watchtower organization to direct and hold you. The terms are inseparable. 

Tomorrow: How it all got started for me.  

8 comments:

  1. Congrats to you Jeff for getting out and moving on with your life!!

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  2. Finally. I can't wait to read your future posts.

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  3. Hi Jeff, I'm looking forward to your posts. I followed you and others on the ex-JW discussion board until I no longer felt the compelling need to go there. These types of places on the web are invaluable to those seeking answers, and sometimes to those who didn't know they were seeking answers....

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  4. I'm VERY interested what you have to say. I cant wait to read more of your offerings. I'm doing lots of research on this group. One question I must ask, in your blog you said "almost three full years, elected to contact me, charge me with 'apostacy' and forced me to either face disfellowshipping [excommunication in Jw terms] or to legally resign from the religion I was bitter again"

    If you were already gone for three years and were happy with your new direction, why does disfellowshipping / excommunication prove to be a source of bitterness? If their doctrine is false, wouldn't you be happier that you've been removed from their ranks and anyone associated with them?

    I must say, journaling your in a blog is a great way to release anything you've been holding on to and is recommended by several therapists and psychologists. Keep it up and can't wait to read more

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  5. I would be happy to answer your question more completely 'dariankingswims', if you would like to email me. In brief, the bitterness comes mostly from the consequences of that attack - with Jw's disfellowshipping means that anyone still inside the organzation is forbidden to speak/contact you. This applies to family or lifelong friends. So, by coming after me in this sort of manner, the elders assured that I would now lose any person who had to that point continued to associate with me.

    Jeff

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  6. Jeff, I'm so glad you're doing this. Maybe one day I'll follow suit, and for your same reasons.

    I'm free of WT control 2 years this month. But as you know, UN-doing a lifetime of conditioning involves everyday re-processing-- requiring our keen humble awareness. Perhaps for the rest of our lives we'll appreciate a conscious life just a little more than the next.

    May this blog experience serve as the constant reminder to never take our minutes on this earth for granted. And the best is yet to come.

    Congrats to us, you and me, and the 350 or so a day who found the way out. Best wishes to you Jeff on your live and learn journey. Your story will touch lives and positively serve as powerful inspiration to many. Here's to you.

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  7. Great blog! I left the Jehovahs witnesses a year ago also. Can definitely relate to some bitterness. Reading and writing helps. I have met alot of wonderful caring people since then. Looking forward to the future. Cant wait to read more. Jamie

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  8. Terrence Adaman a former Jehovah's Witness died of a brief illness. His children who were advised to shut him did not visit him in hospital. He was also not invited to their weddings. Such behavior could cause serious feelings of guilt

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