Tuesday, November 27, 2012

My Earliest Regrets

It has been nearly 3 three years since I visited this blogsite. I had nearly forgotten that I had begun writing here. I have nearly left my memories of Jehovah's Witnesses behind and found life without the pain associated with my original exit from that group - my entire perspective has changed not once, but several times since leaving, but never as profoundly as in the past two or three years. 

The nine years since leaving the cult have been full of surprises for me - a leopard really can change it's spots. Though the years for returning to my missed higher educational opportunities is pretty well past - I have amassed enormous personal education in many fields. That education has changed me in ways unimaginable just a half decade back. 

One of the very deep psychological issues that hangs on for most cult survivors is the inability to think independently. Cults thrive, and derive their power, from group-think. This is why when you meet one of Jehovah's Witnesses, you have met them all. Education is all but prohibited among them. If you would infiltrate the ranks of that religion you would find very few persons holding a college degree. I never met a Witness with a masters degree or a doctorate, in over 40 years of active association. And nearly unheard of are teachers, scholars, professionals. In fact, in doing research for this blog I came across the following, taken directly from their literature - viewed from their perspective as Theocratic Law. The quotes below represent the official view of the religion in the years in which I was entering high school and seeking to find my future. Needless to say, my direction was not toward the doors of the University:

Watchtower 1969 3/15 p. 171 What Influences Decisions in Your Life? [emphasis mine]The influence and spirit of this world is to get ahead, to make a name for oneself. Many schools now have student counselors who encourage one to pursue higher education after high school, to pursue a career with a future in this system of things. Do not be influenced by them. Do not let them “brainwash” you with the Devil’s propaganda to get ahead, to make something of yourself in this world. This world has very little time left! Any “future” this world offers is no future! Wisely, then, let God’s Word influence you in selecting a course that will result in your protection and blessing. Make pioneer service, the full-time ministry, with the possibility of or missionary service your goal. This is a life that offers an everlasting future! 

Watchtower 1971 9/15 p. 563 Set Apart from the World [emphasis mine]All worldly careers are soon to come to an end. So, why should today’s youth get interested in ‘higher education’ for a future that will never eventuate? The colleges are falling into chaos, anyway. The essentials of education for a useful life can be obtained by studying well at high school, and beyond that there is also the ‘highest education’ that Jehovah provides through his organization, preparing for a satisfying career of full-time service that goes on forever. 

In addition - during those crucial years of my life, my late teen years, one of my good friends was a man 20 years my senior. Charles was in fact, college educated. Later, after a short time in the military, and marrying, he became one of Jehovah's Witnesses. He spent many years, not speaking fondly of his college years, but instead downplaying his education. He never really used his degree. He 'overwrote' anything he learned in those years with 'theocratic thinking' - subsequently teaching his own children precisely what is written in the above quotes. None of them went on to college as a result. 

As I look back upon those years, I realize that what I admired about him was the one thing about which he was so embarrassed - his education. But he would rarely discuss it with me - he took the official position that education was dangerous, perhaps even the tool of Satan, as suggested by the Watchtower. I imagine he considered himself fortunate that he somehow got an education, yet still made it into 'Jehovah's organization'.

He was, however, a skilled private pilot, and part owner in a small airplane, housed at the local airport. This hobby - which I believe was an outlet for the potentially successful man seeking to break out in the open - was his single outlet to show the world he was more than a seller of religious journals. So, in my admiration of his skills in this area, I determined that I would go to school to become a commercial pilot after high school. But Charles saw things from the brain-sleep perspective of the religion and strongly advised me to void my application and instead 'pioneer' after my graduation. I did as he suggested. 

Those two things - higher education, and my pilot's licence were denied to me by this religion. Some would say in response 'you made those choices yourself'. If they say such a thing, they obviously have no idea how powerful the influence of this religion is on those who adhere to their teachings, as I did. Being 'one of Jehovah's Witnesses' is not about joining a group - it is more like being melted into the mass of that group, losing all shreds of personality and individualism. Decisions are not made in the conventional way, by weighing the personal benefits. All decisions are made by faithful Witnesses by looking from the perspective outlined by the literature and counsel given by elders and others in authority within the slurry of the melt. More powerful yet are the assertions of the religion that soon this world will end, and only those who have fully complied with the instructions of Jehovah, given from his earthly surrogates, will gain that life.

If I were to list my 'regrets' for having been inculcated into this religion [and I have tried unsuccessfully to avoid this, for fear of sounding more like a victim than the survivor that I consider myself to be] - these two would be on the top of my list. 

This is just where my thoughts took me today, as I sought to return to the world of blogging [again]. I hope to make a real concerted effort to make a couple or three entries each week. Though I feel relatively healed from my cult experience - I have become aware that perhaps thoughts about my former life need airing and consideration that can come best from my fingertips.

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your story!

    I was 'born in' 1957 to hard core JW pioneer parents.

    My family started out broken by the watchtower cult and stayed poor, we lived hand to mouth and the watchtower ruled us with an iron fist. Had a brutal time going to school during the 'better dead than red' super nationalism of the early 1960's.

    I got beat up in the school yard for being a Jehovah Witness while the WT leaders who ran my show and made my rules had their own personal bodyguards.

    They made us all dysfunctional with their 1975 end of the world fiasco failure (it's all your fault for serving Jehovah for a date)
    --
    Danny Haszard Bangor Maine FMI DannyHaszard(dot)com



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  2. So true about higher education! We were pushed to get good grades. When offered student govt positions or college scholarships, I had to decline. Instead, Mother followed the wtbs by making us choose a trade or skill in high school. I'm currently working on my MS and am encouraging my kids to go to college. High school diploma is worth nothing these days.

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